Yesterday I received a beautiful email from a most beautiful soul. I did some coaching with her and her husband last fall. Theirs was a good marriage. They were not in crisis but they were not doing great either. Their connection had become a little lack-luster and they had fallen into the habit of being more roommates than lovers. Over time this habit can become relationship-threatening which is why they reached out for help. So the email was written to update me on how things were going.
And they are going good.
They have changed the dynamic in their household. They have shifted they way they show up for each other. They have changed the way they have conversations, arguments and 'family meetings'. They have done the proverbial 'work' and are reaping the fruits of their labour now.
This doesn't always happen like this because I am not the factor here or guru in this story. They did the work. Not all couples 'make it'. Not because they are bad people or didn't try. Sometimes the wounds are too big, the habits too ingrained or it feels like too much of an uphill climb to get back to where you were so long ago. So quitting seems like the only option left.
I don't know why we humans seem to be programmed to wait until there is a full-blown crisis before we get help. A health scare. A money panic. A relationship implosion. Then we reach out but sometimes by then it is too late. Not always, but it definitely would have been way better if we got help when we first noticed things were kind of bad. Less than great. Not pathological but noticeable.
If you are in a place where things are not so great, I urge you to get help. Sooner than later. Reach out. Do not wait. Do the work.
You will be so glad you did.
To not waiting,